Editor’s note: Marc Sotkin is one of the funniest guys I know! He is writer and producer of more than 350 episodes of various situation comedies, including Laverne & Shirley, The Golden Girls, and the Garry Shandling specials for Showtime. Here’s a situation that happened one day when Marc thought he was getting a little “Eye Contact.” More about Marc Sotkin’s latest projects coming soon.
I had a little accident this week. I was walking down the street and a younger woman, a much younger woman was checking me out. No, really. We actually made eye contact, which distracted me, and I walked into a wall. Very cool, huh? I could have sworn she said, “Hi, y’all.”
Of course, I don’t hear as well as I used to so she could have said, “Look out for the wall.” Either one would explain the ringing in my ears. If you’re a Boomer, of either sex, you know that people don’t check you out as often as they used to. And, to tell you the truth, I miss it.
Now, understand, I’m not looking for trouble. I’ve been happily married for forty years. I’ve been married for Forty-five. But happily for forty, (add your own rim shot). Sorry, but every once and a while I channel Henny Youngman. Anyway, I’m happily married. Still, from time to time, I’ll see a pretty woman, and I’ll vibe her just to see if I still have it.
Well, lately I’m vibing but I’m getting nothing back. It’s like I’m starring in a remake of “The Invisible Man.” Now I understand why cavemen used to hit women over the head with a club to get their attention. That was probably started by older cavemen. And if it’s a younger woman, even if I turn it up to hyper-vibe, all I get is light headed and a little nauseous. But that’s about it.
Now this isn’t the first time in my life that I’ve experienced this. I remember when my wife and I had our first child. We needed a family car so I bought a white Volvo station wagon. Well, when you’re driving a Volvo wagon, you can forget about making eye contact with anyone except unemployed nannies. When you’re in a Volvo wagon you are living in “The No Vibe Zone.” Which is the way it should be. You should not be vibing people from a Volvo wagon. Or a mini van. It’s wrong.
Besides, what are you going to say? “Hey, what’d you say you and me fill this thing up with kids?” Not nice. No, in fact, if you want to keep your husband or wife out of trouble, stick them in a Volvo wagon. You’ll have nothing to worry about. Volvo is the saltpeter of station wagons.
As for my slight head wound, other than the fact that my wife had a pretty good laugh when she heard what happened, I’m wearing this proudly. And the tingling in my fingers should stop in a week or two.
So this isn’t going to stop me from vibing. And don’t let it stop you either. We’re Boomers. We’re not dead. And a little innocent eye contact with someone of the opposite sex can make you feel alive. And for those of you who are a little younger, if a boomer gives you a smile and a wink. Smile back, it won’t hurt.
And if you see one of us headed for a wall, speak a little louder. You’ll be helping us out. That’s what I think; let me know what you think.
The post originally published August 22, 2016 at TribeLAmagazine.com